please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His hands were made for my vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
