hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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