I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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