Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
