I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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