I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
