And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
