Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
