i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
