and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
