I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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