I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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