I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
