my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
