what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
