So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
whose parrot is this?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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