just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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