Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
