Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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