I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
