Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
