Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
