I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
