he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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