umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
