if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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