i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
