If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
