she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
