Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
NoShamevember. You game?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
