Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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