Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
