Got a toothbrush?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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