I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
