where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
