if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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