apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
