I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This baby is an asshole
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
