What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
