My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
