Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
