No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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