I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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