Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
