Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
