I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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