I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
