do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
