going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
