our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
