wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
