when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
