So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
